How do u want to live?

Hmm.. just for info.. i felt better right after the previous post when i got the msg i've been waiting for..

Just stalked like realli realli old friend's friendster and stuff..
Damn cool.. its like partying.. alcohol alcohol... more alcohol..
but yeah.. somehow.. i'll like that lifestyle.. but i'm kinda at my last straw with the karma thingy.
my body cant take the damage after so much alcohol.. scary food and yeah.. bubble mix and stuff... so now.. i'm doing myself a favour by living healthy.

Have u ever had that feeling that u're crashing? ur mind like go blank.. ur body feels week.. and everything seems like its a blur... maybe thats dehydration talking.. or that i'm realli sick even though i go everywhere still..

But yeah.. i hope i get well.. if not it will be just more suffering and more screwing up my life.. and yeah.. i know its not exactly fun.. but yeah.. i need to take care of myself.. if not.. theres not much a future for me if i die early.. i need the time to reach my goal.. my dream..

Sucky life without alcohol.
But i'll survive

Desire Vs Obsession

What defines desire and to what point is it considered obsession?
Theres something u want in life.. something someone else has.. something u covet. thats what is obession.

Somehow.. i believe.. for me.. my desires and obsessions are weird. i covet happiness. I hate it when people are happy with others. I want to be happy and somehow i think that having what others have will make me happy too. and i need to get what they have just to make me happy.

Sounds sick ya? but yeah i think many pep do that even though they don't feel it. Maybe we are all wired like this. This is the whole idea why we are jealous and why we always think something someone else has is much better than what u already have.

I kinda figured this out. I know.. it sounds childish. no.. it IS childish. but maybe its just a basic response? hmm somehow.. u get worked up over seeing pep somewhere.. but onli to figure out that u're just jealous that they person is happy.. and somehow.. u are not doing what the other person is doing and you are sure that u're not happy...

its doesnt matter who she's with. i wish her the best. but i hope i get lucky and maybe find my happiness too.

You'll need a little drama in life..
if not it'll be all in grey.

Center of Universe

Hmm.. is ur life dictated by someone or something and u don have solution for freedom?
I know i have..
its the handphone thing.
From a long long time ago.. i have been dominated by my phone.
It has dictated my life.
i have this weird intuition to check my phone every 5 minutes for msgs and stuff.
I donno why i do it.. but i just do.
Maybe its due to conditioning and its like become a part of me. but that weird.
i cant focus on doing stuff but i go check my phone.. walk arnd it.. walk with it.. waiting from something to happen.
Donno if i can stop it.. but somehow.. every time i try.. something big comes up.. pep start contacting me and think that i disappear from the face of the earth or something.

Anyhow.. i'll try. just to get rid of this weird habit. maybe develop others.. but living by ur phone 24-7 is just a lil too much for me.

Time for contemplation

3 days. i've stayed at home. onli thing i've done is go out for dinner (once).
Used the excused of being sick to stay home. I think i'm sick. but maybe its just schizophrenia.
I need help. aka doc. and from myself.

The future will be tough. Health will be a killer. An old friend of mine told me that. and now everyone will know when i'm sorta religious. But yeah. i believe when u remember stuff like i do, u cant help living in the past.

I need my ability to write now. Give something so great it might just get me that 700bucks prize. Its been a while since i've written. and i think i've lost the ability or just gone without practice for too long.

I need my brain to think. To decide and calculate everything for work. to predict and solve problems even before the idea gets into anyones' head.

I'm stressed. Will my health stop me from achieving? Will i be able to perform and save the day? live up to my expectations? Make miracles?

i have no idea.
onli time will tell.

Desperation

I kinda messed up the html stuff on the template.. and yeah... cleared some some stuff added with the new template and stuff..

But yeah.. there are realli many shades of grey.. and i finally went to get that quote from heroes.. abt the path and stuff.. and yeah.. now the blog looks okay.. much better than before.. cool..

hahah.. enjoy.. my new and not so crappy blog.

awww....

This song just gets into ur head.. and yeah.. loop. enjoy

Updates updates updates.

Third consequtive illness alrd..
Food poisoning after the oysters at aunt hse..
Fever thing... cold and all..
then now its like super infection again...

So cool.. i'm weak.
Makes u wanna appreciate life more.
So sick. But life goes on. still need to sit for test..

sucks. i know.
But holidays are here now.

Fun? nah.. just eating alot..
stress over fyp.. and all the crappy tests.

being in charge sucks. everyone ask u for ans. and u do all the thinking.. whats the fun of that?

So now.. i'm 'anything' guy.. but scream at pep when they get stuff wrong.
donno if its me.. or i cant realli stand making stupid mistakes.. hmmm..

i know i'm talking to myself once again.. but yeah... lecturer's talking bout gene recognition algorithms.. so fun.. =X

But yeah.. i guess i'll have more insights to life soon. trying to steer myself to a clean.. sin-less life. a nice one.. so yeah.. wish me luck.. =)