Stress

Deadlines are coming.
Everywhere.
Fyp is ending.
I need help. as much as possible.
But i believe too much in myself.

Poured the results away.
Panicked.
Lost everything.
Realli want to do my best.
Get a good grade and not deviate from my ideal life.

Call me a dreamer. But i'll fight for that dream.
Have to chill. Breathe.
Get my mind back. focus.
Intercons is here.
Its back down to me again. Don Mess up.
Have to find an outlet. Before i snap.
Again and again.

Give me a sign.
Tell me how to let it all out.
And make everything fine again.
Please

to Nicole.

I would like to say that i'm sorry.
I'm an ass. Everyone knows that.
My bad temper during fyp shows.
I'm sarcastic. I'm mean. I'm panicking.
If the whole project fails.
I blame it on me.
I wanted everything according to my ideas.
It doesnt look too good now.
I'm not even sure of my choices.
Time's not exactly on our side.
I Know that u're busy and tired because of your dance.
But i still would like to see sucess after all the work.
Like u've said, our work might not be seen even after so much effort.
Thats why i'm pissed.

Even friends don work well together sometimes.
I believe that i'm egoistic enough to think that it will be good if i do it myself.
But its our project.
Not mine.
And i believe i have run out of ideas.
Now i just think that its about showing the world what we have done.
The best way we can.
I'll figure it out.
I know u guys count on me.
Thats why i have to figure it out and give u guys ur As.

Bare with me for awhile more.
When we get there, i promise u that i will try to treat u guys better.
and then i'll tell you why i've been like that.

Not even sure if u'll read this. But i guess. a part of me doesnt want u to read this too.

updates updates

hahaha.. due to popular demand.. i'll update.

Bz bz bz.
Captain ball like every alterate day.
Others i'm doing fyp till 5 and till i damn shag.
Report deadlines.. datasheets.. so many things

I'm sticking to one enjoying thing a week.
Once a week will go out with friends.. and eat talk have fun.
But this week kinda sick.
Old stuff. flu cold. asthma.. infection.. blah blah

Just woke up after 3hrs of sleep.
didnt go for dinner with shuxian and peps.
but i guess its for everyone's best.
I'm popping pills like no one's business.
tired. sick. lethargic. not exactly party material.

But yeah. somehow. after some events..
u look at friends differently.
not about judging. But its just what people look for is different.
We live our lives differently, it goes well when i doesnt get destructive.
But when it does. its not nice.

Competitive spirit. Something impt to have. but too much of it makes u all blind with power and greed.

Lust can make people do weird stuff. Go emotionally chaotic and do insane things.

i believe in choices. we make them, they reflect how we are. and i believe reflecting on ourselves we can choose to change and make a difference. Be a better person? at least try.

Somehow. kinda lost the drive for sch, work and even simple stuff like combing hair. maybe i'm just too tired. need a pick me up. something? someone? donno what it is.. but i hope it works.

so yeah. friends. don worry. i wil figure things out. onli how long it takes, haH.

Delusion

How do u know what is real?
How people are like?
Or do u just accept them for who they are and block out the bad parts?

I donno. But i've ran out of patience. So now. I'm harsh, over critical and easily upset.
At first i couldnt define what we were. But after getting to know u, i have found that somehow, behind all that laughter, there much more to the both of us, that we might not like.

At least now i'm awake already, but how can i go on with seeing ur flaws everyday?
Disgust merely skims the surface. I need help. Hope i get some soon.