Drinking. Cool

Today went out with rosa..

Not exactly just enjoying by drinking and spending cash..but yeah.. we did lotsa stuff before reaching for drinks...
met xinru on way too.. and yeah.. he going for sp play thingy.. happy that i wasnt there.. drinking session was great

3 weeks.. sober.. broken again.. but worth it.. we went to this indochine place in holland v.. nice place.. hid in a corner.. nice ambience..candle lit.. blue lights.. leaves.. spinning fan.. but abit weird for 2 pep talking bout how screwd up their lives are... luffing away.. spoiling the ambience for couple who actually went there..

drank alot.. or a variety on my sense.. 1 pint erdinger draught, 1 small cup of cheap whisky neat, 1 shot to tequila, 1 shot of volka... volume small.. but eyah.. don drink too much spirits and stuff normally.. hahaha... bill was fine actually.. quite cheap..

i like these sessions.. but onli comes when people realli have problems on their mind and can just share them like this.. real.. nothing made up or fake.. the way i like gals.. and yeah..relationships with people.

Panic! at the disco

This video shows why panic! at the disco cant realli make it as mainstream.. somehow.. too much emphasis or if the whole subject matter is on sex is not too welcomed.. or maybe it just lacks the ring.. but yeah.. panic's music is nice.. but rather adult content-ish

heres the lyrics..

PANIC! AT THE DISCO LYRICS"Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off"

Is it still me that makes you sweat?

Am I who you think about in bed?

When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your dress?

Then think of what you did

And how I hope to God he was worth it.

When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as your fingers touch your skin.

I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck

Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me

Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of

Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?

No, no, no, you know it will always just be me

Let's get these teen hearts beating.

Faster, faster

So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,

Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?

So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,

Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?

So I guess we're back to us, oh cameraman, swing the focus

In case I lost my train of thought, where was it that we last left off?(Let's pick up, pick up)

Oh now I do recall, we were just getting to the part

Where the shock sets in, and the stomach acid finds a new way to make you get sick.

I hope you didn't expect that you'd get all of the attention.

Now let's not get selfish

Did you really think I’d let you kill this chorus?

Let's get these teen hearts beating.

Faster, faster

So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,

Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?

So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,

Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?

Dance to this beat

Dance to this beat

Dance to this beat

Let's get these teen hearts beating.

Faster, faster

Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster

I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck

Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me

Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of

Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?

No, no, no, you know it will always just be me

Let's get these teen hearts beating.

Faster, fasterSo testosterone boys and harlequin girls,

Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?

So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,

Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?

So testosterone boys and harlequin girls

Dance to this beat

So testosterone boys and harlequin girls

Dance to this beat

And hold a lover close

Let's get these teen hearts beating.

Faster, faster

Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster

Thanks to Nina (iluvsk8rss@aol.com), Samantha (condemnedtonow@aol.com), Skye (Brooke_p_davis@hotmail.com), Viviana Rios (saber_07@hotmail.com), Laura Will Willson for correcting these lyrics

Turn offs

somehow.. been feeling down and super turned off lately.. just of the world of everything happening..

Detached from my friends again. battling insanity..
so yeah.. shall list down what i feel turns me of in the opposite sex.

1. Girls who smoke
2. Girls who drink too much (i drink but yeah.. drunk girls are so ugly)
3. Girls who have a higher sex drive then i do
4. Girls who swear as if there is no tomorrow
5. Girls who just want to have fun like theres no tomorrow
6. Girls who somehow just crave for attention from the opposite sex just for gratification
7. Weird girls
8. Girls who habour ulterior motives and abuse my sense of justice.

yup. can see that the last is something that i squeeze out and think i have nothing more to add... somehow.. stuff that i do. and some that i don are in that list.. but yeah.. just cant stand girls who look like old decaying flesh and smells of smoke and alcohol.. major turn off... and yeah.. somehow.. decided that Sins are not for me... simple life.. mundane... but.. yeah.. everything has a trade off.. i just wanna get my enthusiasm back into me.

Screwd life.

rehab was going fine until unknown interactions with my plans.
Lost motivation to turn into nice ass( good ? or bad?)
Continued drinking.
sumation of the 2 = being called a liar (true but not v. nice)

Gain a new friend, broke her head.
Cried when i found my new meaning in live- a synthetic substitute for another being.
Destroy all my efforts, back to reoccuring dreams
Still haunted by my past, onli now, worst, torn and dismayed
Whatever the last word meant...

Built fiction and called it my life.
With real people except with made up lives.
Personalities that i like, everyone with good intentions
Onli now that i see, a freaking bunch of lies.

See. self deception is bad. Duh?
Motivation using the wrong people or facts. Bad!
I like the punctuations. Make me see ever so spiteful.
But yeah.. i still cant rhyme.

Regret

Death has always been intriguing for me
How it can result in changes so drastic that it can change a person's direction towards life.
How it can make macro changes in the world
and how this destructive force can be a driving force for many.

But.. for some.. it takes the drive away... With that comes regret.
Would u be proud of what how u are treating those around you?
What would happen if someone close was to move on and cease to exist?
Would u regret not spending enough time, giving them the attention and concern that they require?
Would u dwell on instances which u are guilty for, when u know u were wrong but just cant seem to say sorry and did something drastic?
Would u want to undo all these mistakes?
I for one enjoy living in memories, but get very much affected by repeating memories of mistakes, in which pain is also dealt to another being.

The whole idea of how a person lives will result in whether regret will be prominent.
I believe in balance, hence, i cant be only kind or only evil but a combination and expressed of either at a certain period or situation.

I am nice.. at least i think i am at certain times. But there is still the evil or ugly side of me.
I don believe in being nice 24-7 because dissapointment exist. What i can do for others others might not do for me. and i don no expect to the same degree.. only the rare instances that i hope for and often odes not occur and get even more dissapointed.

i bear the strain on being nice to everyone and everyday. people get tired.. and thats why i believe there has to be another side.. only that it should be occuring lesser than the before.

Regret comes in the picture when the nice persona recalls events of the evil period.
But should i attempt the impossible of staying nice and postive for eternity?
or live with my philosophy with the likely chance of regret in my life?

I'll opt for the first. but i hope dissapointments do not overcome me. As everytime it gets harder and harder to positive and nice.

Good luck to myself with the war waged against myself.. beliefs and the world.

Updates

Are blogs all about what people have done and thought about others? maybe i shall inject more meaning into this portal to different worlds.

Sober= for 2 weeks. onli. 6% also consided alcohol..

Missing someone.

Mind's screwd. Weird thoughts. Studied anatomy a wee bit too much.

Attraction is weird. For me at least. Sometimes.. sins are not all that u can have or want. Sometimes pep just want a simple way out. Someone to love.. may not seek for any in return.. but enough. Food. U don need gormet food everyday.. wine.. don need to be intoxicated every single day..

Get High on life.. Addicted to love..
Thats all i need..
But yeah.. will i covet for the opposite when i have that?
That we will not know..

1 week ago..

Exactly 1 week ago.. i was at one of my friends house..
2.++ am .. hahaha

Before that was 100% pure fun.. so much fun that i haven had in a long time..
Actually forgot how it feels like to just hang with friends.. without stress.. playing lanterns.. candles and setting play grounds on fire.. what a wonderful like of teens inhaling 1st hand pollution with the combustion of scrap found around us.. its been sometime since i;ve met up with my old old friends.. and yeah.. i guess its the same after all.. onli that we have gone on our separate paths but still could get together on this one occasion.. the one that started everything.. yx's birthday.. hahah

as part of our long traditions.. her birthday is impt.. we have to celebrate with her and yeah.. i have used all ways to cheat lie and deceive her into thinking that we have forgotten.. as a part of being older.. we skipped all those and jumped into the celebrate with a little alcohol to bring the mood up.. 6%., its a kid drink.. hahaha

But yeah.. its been a week and i'm missing them already..but u can always have good times... or can u..?

Updates updates and updates

Life is quite screwd.
I shld get a bigger social circle.
Falling for the wrong girls.
Would u make a choice between having someone as only a friend or someone close if u only allowed 1 scenario and no over lapping?
What would u do.
Friends last a lifetime.. flings... what? its over already.

Okay.. to that someone out there.. i'll let time take its course..
will see in the future.. spin life as if its a coin and let fate decide.
not very existentialist.. but.. i guess.. what else can i do.

Suffering leads to experience which justifies my existence.
I suffer therefore i exist.. Me
i believe therefore i exist... Schizo me
I do not exist.. Pessimist
I think therefore i exist... Rene Decartes