Regret

Death has always been intriguing for me
How it can result in changes so drastic that it can change a person's direction towards life.
How it can make macro changes in the world
and how this destructive force can be a driving force for many.

But.. for some.. it takes the drive away... With that comes regret.
Would u be proud of what how u are treating those around you?
What would happen if someone close was to move on and cease to exist?
Would u regret not spending enough time, giving them the attention and concern that they require?
Would u dwell on instances which u are guilty for, when u know u were wrong but just cant seem to say sorry and did something drastic?
Would u want to undo all these mistakes?
I for one enjoy living in memories, but get very much affected by repeating memories of mistakes, in which pain is also dealt to another being.

The whole idea of how a person lives will result in whether regret will be prominent.
I believe in balance, hence, i cant be only kind or only evil but a combination and expressed of either at a certain period or situation.

I am nice.. at least i think i am at certain times. But there is still the evil or ugly side of me.
I don believe in being nice 24-7 because dissapointment exist. What i can do for others others might not do for me. and i don no expect to the same degree.. only the rare instances that i hope for and often odes not occur and get even more dissapointed.

i bear the strain on being nice to everyone and everyday. people get tired.. and thats why i believe there has to be another side.. only that it should be occuring lesser than the before.

Regret comes in the picture when the nice persona recalls events of the evil period.
But should i attempt the impossible of staying nice and postive for eternity?
or live with my philosophy with the likely chance of regret in my life?

I'll opt for the first. but i hope dissapointments do not overcome me. As everytime it gets harder and harder to positive and nice.

Good luck to myself with the war waged against myself.. beliefs and the world.