Disarray

How songs can just pop up and u can relate to them? listen to this.

I face my demons wrestling these angels to the ground
And all that I could find was a thin line between all the saints
And villains it was crossed
In my own mind

Some day I'm gonna find it wish i knew what i was looking for
inside the disarray
I woke up this morning don't know where I'm going but it's
Alright I wouldn't have it any other way

Struggling between the facts and fiction I'm alone
But I'm alive
Everyone around me is trying to make a statement
Then there's me
I'm just trying to survive

Some day I'm gonna find it wish i knew what i was looking for
inside the disarray
I woke up this morning don't know where I'm going but it's
Alright I wouldn't have it any other way

If this was any other day I'd pretend to know where I stand
I just don't know

I need rest. Maybe I can get my objectivity back.

Passive Yet Active

I have chosen to not share my care and concern about people. I just make that effort and stay mute about it. But there are always times when i'm pushed to my limit. Like now.

People say stupid stuff. They don mean it. We do the same things. But what to do after that is another choice. It will determine whether things get better or worst.

I'm Passive. But it does not mean i don care.

If u cant see concern, it doesnt mean its not there.

You Just cant see it.

Whats Wrong?

Somehow. I believe. Everyone knows whats wrong whats the solution to correct that wrong.

Its down inside. we don see it. But its there.

But sometimes the answer i not what is in your control.

So what do u do? Vent your anger on yourself? Nice Move.

You have just proven to ur friends what no matter what they have done or tried to do didnt work.

You ask for a conversation. But you still do what u want with or without that conversation. So why should ur friends make that effort to be there for u?

We choose to be there. Its not something that we HAVE to do.

Count Your blessings. If not you'll have one less soon.

Time

Past Present and Future.

How do u link everything together?

Its scary for me. When everything meets and soon it will all be over.

Like how i spent my time with little miss valentine. And now its over.

Now. its purely work and trying to prepare for the future.

Future. Graduating. Army. 2 years.

Saw little miss valentine after getting ps-ed by alex wayne and aud today. Didnt run. Too shag. depressed. first time thought wanted to do something nice like going out. even if it was onli with aud. but somehow it was all over. and she was alrd at city hall and it was off. without me knowing.

Saddening.

But yeah.the sight of Little miss valentine got me stirred up and stuff. Its not just a cut of kinda thing. there will be more of her arnd when sch starts. but everything now is different. What happend is now known as the past.

Present. I have someone who will be happy with me and someone to at least try to cheer me up when i'm down. so its good. But. will this move on to the future too? i have no idea. I donno if its possible. but i guess. we'll see what happens for NOW.

What lies in the future is scary for me. I know i'm not ready. don ever know whether i will be. But i have to go tru it. Thats all i know. If i survive it will be great.

Some times u are sorry that things don just work out like they do and things just happen. And somehow i just guess that its not meant to be.

But yeah. there might be surprises ahead. so. wait?

Tears

Why do people cry?

What are tears?

What have i seen so many people cry around me?

What can i do when someone cries?

Cheer them up? act stupid? do something nice?

I donno.

i hate to see people cry.

Sometimes i take it out on myself.

sometimes just ignore.

Until i finally break.

I don want to feel what others do.

I just do.

Don feel like blogging.

after chalet, 15hrs of sleep and traumatising lab session.
i don feel like bloggin.
so much drama these few days
Friends crying like anywhere anytime.

Emo is contagious.
i need to clear my brain and nose
blog later blog later

i'll do the tag thing soon.. hopefully.

Is it real?

I sat in the cinema. Felt queasy. Then i heard from rosa theres an earthquake. I don believe i felt it.

753am. sufing blogs. checked out ww blog talking bout earth quake. The same sensation visits me. my legs are shaking. is it the cold? am i dreaming? i stand up. Nothing. Then i hear a creaking sound. the fan that wasnt on is swaying side to side.

believe or not? I'm in jurong west.

Sickening

After 2 days of cheonging.
Down.
donno whether is breathing in too much S.
or that it was the rain
I hate colds.
Cant breath
Sneeze like mad.

Did i mention cant breathe?
How can i start training for NAPFA?
hmm.. i need help
maybe a dr. but that will be when i'm free.
FYP is killing me.
Literally.

Mr nice guy?

hmm.. my close friends would know that i'm kinda hot headed. super grumpy sometimes.. maybe like alot times. hahah.. not some times..

but its something i wanna change. become more patient, forgiving and less implusive.

kinda got the idea when i was in the bath, like all other cool eureka moments.

Sleep is important for a happy alvin. if i don get sleep, if i have work even more and i don have my way.. i'll make a path to me.. and yeah.. u can almost smell the smoke in the air already.

so yeah. the point at which i intersect the x axis is called the breaking point. kinda occur during report deadlines, fyp deadlines and mostly stuff that i set myself to be done. hahaha. and yeah.. the other contributing factor is human error which literally means that they are making a mistake messing with me when i'm sleep deprived. but i don think u can see it in a graph.. it will be more like scribbles. hahah

but yeah. for some. i try my best to be nice as long as possible. and hope u don see my bad side. good thing u don work with me. =)

Fatty fatty fatty

8/9/07
Interesting day.
Had lunch with mum at bento box.
Didnt have my coffee. sleepy. grumpy.

its 1230. i'm in sch. its deserted. yes. interesting. At first it was awkward.. then i slowly warmed up and helped. maybe it was the whole "why is he here" and "yes.. why is he here?"

hahah.. but i made myself useful. helped.. just hope that what i did was helpful and they could get better results and maybe do well in turn.

Then i got my wish. dinner at wakaru at the central. Had to wait for tables.. went for a walk with her. bumped into ww.. didnt stop to talk cause she was on the phone. and it was just 1 look in the eye and that was all it needed. friends. have this thing that u don realli need to talk to get on the same frequency. hahaha

Walked about.. talked bout stuff. then dinner. hahah
Enjoyable. good food.. good company. but yeah. the warm jap welcome kinda made her uncomfortable. not to self. find a quieter place next time.

anyhow.. went to TCC for drinks. and the atmosphere was cool. someguy singing next to us opposite of the longkang. people working. smoking. hahah. i guess its just what u get in singapore. hahah.. ooh. i forgot the lanterns and stuff. huge lantern with the chang e or something. hahah

was kinda tired. and yeah. didnt make good conversations cause i was kinda zoning out. hahah
hope it wasnt too bad for her. =)

Hogs breath. thursday dinner with family. met up with old friend stella. and along came beef. had a nice chat in my mouth and they were so happy they decided to drop by in my tummy.

Went to meet plateau serenade at essential brews after that. wonderful wonderful wonderful experience. supposed to be lesser evil and stuff. but i guess its the same. hahah. had tea la. compensate abit. hahah

Who would u spend ur life with?

Serious thought ey?

I scared myself with this thought during dinner.
I know i've been dating
But i'm one commitment freak.

I cant seem to figure out how to spend all ur time.. like the rest of ur life with 1 person.
Unless the person is perfect, theres got to be something that will get in the way.
Everyone knows that no one is perfect.. but how do u decide that u want to be with the person forever?

Illusion? or rationalise everything? if its the traits to be thought about. u don know people that well. and they change after marriage. everyone knows that. haH

or is it like similar interests? but interests fades. i was into batman merchandise.. but i grew out of it. and i believe i would in most of the things i'm doing now. so yeah how do u choose?

or u don? scary thought eh. then i can say bye bye to being attached. hahah.. but yeah. friends that have known me since the beginning of time told me that i fall for the weirdest pep. true. but yeah. weird = different which spells good for me. But i guess those that i fall for arnt weird anymore cause i'm not attached yet and i see a pattern. hahah

Dating is interesting. u learn alot. but u also learn to come home empty handed. yes. not even with donuts. thats sad. but besides the point.

I'll just see where i will take myself then. =)

周杰伦 - 不能说的秘密 词:方文山 曲:周杰伦
冷咖啡离开了杯垫 我忍住的情绪在很后面
拼命想挽回的从前 在我脸上依旧清晰可见
最美的不是下雨天 是曾与你躲过雨的屋檐
回忆的画面 在荡着秋千 梦开始不甜

你说把爱渐渐 放下会走更远
又何必去改变 已走过的时间
你用你的指尖 阻止我说再见
想象你在身边 在完全失去之前
你说把爱渐渐 放下会走更远
或许命运的签 只让我们遇见
只让我们相恋 这一季的秋天
飘落后才发现 这幸福的碎片
要我怎么捡

Emo time. hahah.. no la. very tired. But yeah.. feeling like listening to this song. Alex sent me the whole album. but i never even touch it. until today. went to read blogs and felt emo. Loop the song.. and play over over over until i'm like so weak. hahah

i think i onli like cheena songs when i wanna feel emo. hahah.. poetry la. english songs not much one. all 987 stuff not very meaningful also.. this one also like poem. thats why i like.

Its the small stuff that gets me. Today ps someone. Hope u feeling alrite. Didnt want to affect the group moral by ps everyone again. i really forgot. But yeah i still went and exercise in jeans. although it realli feel sucky, its heavy.. and my ass was falling everywhere.

Anyhow. i hope i make it back for u. I'll do something nice. something that i have never done for any girl. Only whether i get the energy to persist. Hope i fufill my promises. =)

Wish me luck.

Secret

Shhh.. its a secret
Till now onli lex know whom i went out with.
Not even the closest pep know..

But yeah.. i'm realli happy.. after that movie.. dinner.. and little chit chat session..
Maybe it was the oyster mee sua that gave me euphoria. But the conversations are cool.. sometimes i have stuff to say.. but i'll just keep quiet to let her finish. hahah..

It doesnt have to be posh. my hair doesnt have to look fine, despite the fact i went to style in the cathay gents when i was getting the tix like hours before the show.

i donno.. maybe its the change in my life. No stress of pursuing people. just hanging out, letting time tell.. u don need much to talk about.. but we just do. almost anything can be a topic. so cool. hahah

i think my brain's funky.. listening to 私奔到月球。 disgusting song. but stuck on it. hahaha.

I'm happy. hahaha.. happy happy happy happy.. must be the trucks.