Desire Vs Obsession

What defines desire and to what point is it considered obsession?
Theres something u want in life.. something someone else has.. something u covet. thats what is obession.

Somehow.. i believe.. for me.. my desires and obsessions are weird. i covet happiness. I hate it when people are happy with others. I want to be happy and somehow i think that having what others have will make me happy too. and i need to get what they have just to make me happy.

Sounds sick ya? but yeah i think many pep do that even though they don't feel it. Maybe we are all wired like this. This is the whole idea why we are jealous and why we always think something someone else has is much better than what u already have.

I kinda figured this out. I know.. it sounds childish. no.. it IS childish. but maybe its just a basic response? hmm somehow.. u get worked up over seeing pep somewhere.. but onli to figure out that u're just jealous that they person is happy.. and somehow.. u are not doing what the other person is doing and you are sure that u're not happy...

its doesnt matter who she's with. i wish her the best. but i hope i get lucky and maybe find my happiness too.

You'll need a little drama in life..
if not it'll be all in grey.

Center of Universe

Hmm.. is ur life dictated by someone or something and u don have solution for freedom?
I know i have..
its the handphone thing.
From a long long time ago.. i have been dominated by my phone.
It has dictated my life.
i have this weird intuition to check my phone every 5 minutes for msgs and stuff.
I donno why i do it.. but i just do.
Maybe its due to conditioning and its like become a part of me. but that weird.
i cant focus on doing stuff but i go check my phone.. walk arnd it.. walk with it.. waiting from something to happen.
Donno if i can stop it.. but somehow.. every time i try.. something big comes up.. pep start contacting me and think that i disappear from the face of the earth or something.

Anyhow.. i'll try. just to get rid of this weird habit. maybe develop others.. but living by ur phone 24-7 is just a lil too much for me.

Time for contemplation

3 days. i've stayed at home. onli thing i've done is go out for dinner (once).
Used the excused of being sick to stay home. I think i'm sick. but maybe its just schizophrenia.
I need help. aka doc. and from myself.

The future will be tough. Health will be a killer. An old friend of mine told me that. and now everyone will know when i'm sorta religious. But yeah. i believe when u remember stuff like i do, u cant help living in the past.

I need my ability to write now. Give something so great it might just get me that 700bucks prize. Its been a while since i've written. and i think i've lost the ability or just gone without practice for too long.

I need my brain to think. To decide and calculate everything for work. to predict and solve problems even before the idea gets into anyones' head.

I'm stressed. Will my health stop me from achieving? Will i be able to perform and save the day? live up to my expectations? Make miracles?

i have no idea.
onli time will tell.

Desperation

I kinda messed up the html stuff on the template.. and yeah... cleared some some stuff added with the new template and stuff..

But yeah.. there are realli many shades of grey.. and i finally went to get that quote from heroes.. abt the path and stuff.. and yeah.. now the blog looks okay.. much better than before.. cool..

hahah.. enjoy.. my new and not so crappy blog.

awww....

This song just gets into ur head.. and yeah.. loop. enjoy

Updates updates updates.

Third consequtive illness alrd..
Food poisoning after the oysters at aunt hse..
Fever thing... cold and all..
then now its like super infection again...

So cool.. i'm weak.
Makes u wanna appreciate life more.
So sick. But life goes on. still need to sit for test..

sucks. i know.
But holidays are here now.

Fun? nah.. just eating alot..
stress over fyp.. and all the crappy tests.

being in charge sucks. everyone ask u for ans. and u do all the thinking.. whats the fun of that?

So now.. i'm 'anything' guy.. but scream at pep when they get stuff wrong.
donno if its me.. or i cant realli stand making stupid mistakes.. hmmm..

i know i'm talking to myself once again.. but yeah... lecturer's talking bout gene recognition algorithms.. so fun.. =X

But yeah.. i guess i'll have more insights to life soon. trying to steer myself to a clean.. sin-less life. a nice one.. so yeah.. wish me luck.. =)

Contemplation

Due to recent encounters.. i have kinda come to terms with my past.
Some that are not to be proud of.
Shit happens. and yeah.. been living in denial for sometime now.
Blocked out stuff so much that i kinda lost touch with reality and time.
But i think it doesnt matter now..

I'm on a journey for a new life. New future.
Something away from temptation. No. i am not going to become a monk.
I'm just going to be less or even not alcoholic,
i will not have my fancy speeches on pre marital sex, and other weird ideas to over throw moral norms..
and yeah.. maybe live more responsibly also.

I hope i suceed. Especially with the new muse in my life... who has inspired me with patience, like 3 and half hour donut factory patience.. and a drive for a simple, sucessful life. meaning with a nice house and like nice job and like nice food.

See. life don have to be scandalous, intense or really realli sinful. It doesnt have to be a beef steak oozing with blood or a really really great glass of wine.. tea's fine too.. especially with someone at the other end of the table, with great conversation.

hmm.. sorry if i'm kinda drifting.. must be due to the dehydrating brought abt by food poisoning. so yeah.. anyway.. must thank my new muse... and hope everything goes fine for u.. and i'll be there when u need help. =)

yes. i'm drifting. get me a drip