Evolution

Getting over someone is just getting rid of things that constantly remind you of the person.
i used to be very lazy at grooming myself.. maybe for just the once a month celebration with a nite out.. and yeah.. thats why she gives me so many branded and ex nice stuff.. like landyards.. shirts.. and belt and stuff

have lotsa stuff from her.. and yeah.. have to do something bout it.. therefore.. i went shopping..
2 days in a row.. so much shopping i can finish my shopping in a year.. okay the list is like this now..
day 1

• Teva slippers at 40% off
• 69bucks basketball at 40% off
• 99bucks retro converse high ankle shoes(my dream)

Day 2

• 1swashbuckling shirt from topman.. 41bucks
• 2white shirts from U2.. 30bucks intotal
• my killer rip curl belt.. 49bucks..

hahaha thats like after my 25bucks hair cut from 2way last month.. u always wanted me to get a hair cut there.. i did.. but it wasnt with u.. sad eh?

now its just the bag and headphones left.. think will leave to fate.. when i can meet a decent pair of headphones.. and yeah. the bag.. have to use the one with the faulty zip... =X

dinner was cool.. 3 pep 90bucks at billy bombers.. today more meat with like chicken and ribs(same thing i ate) from kenny rogers.. marina got alot of JC chiobu.. wonder where would i be if i made that choice then.. might have a smart chick with me already.. but yeah.. choices has already been made.. no pt thinking bout them...

My fears.. and digressed

My biggest fear in my life now.. is actually loneliness
So much has changed.. now i'm like all alone

Used to have someone to stick to me every single day and stuff, have to report where i am, what i am doing, and still end up seeing that person.. but yeah.. now.. its all me.. i eat my dinner alone.. i sleep alone on a king sized bed, and i have 2 overly committed friends whom i don really see unless in sch.. its like my 5-day week kinda friends..

i need to get a life.. i've out done myself that i finished a book in like 2 weeks.. record time...
and i cannot really find a book to read.. and yeah.. my friends from the past are all O's or somewhere cant be bothered bout me.. so yeah.. i'll enjoy more M18 movies alone.. hahaha

I've stopped drinking.. eating good food.. cause yeah.. seeing food reminds me of her.. and yeah.. dinner too.. hate eating alone.. rather i don eat and die.. but yeah.. sometimes nice thing happens.. its not the end of the world..

i was like walking alone that long winding road back to dover from Fc2.. after getting my packed dinner for 1 from my fav cai fan store.. some dumbass hit we on my back.. with a water bottle or something.. yeah.. nicole.. so yeah.. some time good things happen when u feel like crap and the sun setting down on ya..

But yeah.. studying alone is cool.. u see so many people u know.. also studying alone.. quite sad.. but shows that its not that bad too.. think i'll just wait for someone to pop into my life..

30mins to my run.. hmm.. ghost month.. should i go joggin? at nite? hmm.. no idea.. anyhow..
watched Life as we know it yesterday.. realised that relationships are just plain crappy.. and yeah.. there will always be a next.. just hope it only gets better..

my taste has changed.. maybe.. u don need a unicorn.. not saying that i don like unicorns.. but yeah.. small girls are cute too.. only that we don see eye to eye.. muahahaha

listening to one thing by finger eleven.. the show reminded me of it.. and yeah.. would u give up everything and trade everything for 1 thing? just that thing that ya want? i would.. i only live once.. and yeah.. make it meaningful.. maybe i should really go for a brain now.. hahaha..

Cute girls are over rated.. maybe i don need another pillow.. have like.. 5? yeah.. can hug them when i sleep.. throw her out the window..

to zhen

I always thought of writing a piece about you..
How much i've missed the little details
the way u fall asleep on my bed..
hugging all my pillow blanket and other stuff

i loved watching u sleep, no doubt unglamourous,
somehow cute.. even when u drool

how u look on weekdays mornings, when u didnt had time to doll up,
with the hair band and thick turtle glasses
my sister couldnt recognise you even
but yeah it doesnt realli matter

i miss the smell u leave behind
not sure if its your perfume
or the smell of ur skin
but that just brings back memories

i love the way u smell
even after work and you smell like kitchen.

i really miss your company
when theres good food, theres no one there to share it with
when theres good wine, it doesnt taste as good without you
theres something missing with everything i do..

i miss your hugs, ur kisses
cause u showed me affection that i didnt know of
i doubt i'll have a girl who showed me passion as much as u did

The dumb but cute still u have done
like when i had chicken pox and i refused to let u in
when our loves was so innocent, i needed a card to remind me of that

ur love for stuffed giraffes
and that i actually lost the one i got you.
sad i know.. i'll get another one for u..
when i get the chance to meet an indeed perfect one.

i put everything meaningful in a box
put it someplace i've showed you before
a shrine of women i could say i indeed have feelings for
and you're one that i will never forget

you changed me
in ways u never think of
i still wear the shirts u gave me
i use the stuff that you bought
till its almost disintegrated
i now love hugs and kisses
but theres no one i can give to
i want to give all of them to you

but i guess.. its not quite possible
glad that u have moved on
and i wish you a good life ahead

sorry for all the tears u'ved shed
you should know that i have shed some for you too
its a first
and i make sure no one see it
Take care of yourself..
Don make ur parents worry
and enjoy ur life to the fullest

yours
alvin

to my friends

Sometimes.. i regret not showing you guys all of me
for some who have seen
they know what i am and what i go through

i know i come off as a sarcastic jackass who luffs at every single person and object
and i don give a damn about anything in the world.
actually i do
too much actually.
when i get depressed,
everything gets to me

i hate being alone
i hate being in the dark
i hate being just myself
i hate myself
i have nothing to be proud of

i rebutt any remark from anyone,
just to defend my ass
i lie just to win the argument
i hate it when u guys get it right
i feel the pain
but i still have to make you not see it

i hate how i'm living
fake
just plain bullshit.

to my wonderful dad

I wonder how u cant understand why i don respect you the smallest bit.
Look at yourself.
What have you done to yourself and everyone arnd you.
Does our lives have to go down in flames when yours do?
Do we have to suffer when you throw ur almost-daily tantrums
Does endangering the lives of your so called loved ones supposed to gain respect for you?

The thing that your proud of.. your 10 long years of driving experience..
would it be ironical if thats the way ur family goes down?
Would u want that?

i don respect u at all..
nothing seems to make me proud of you.
i'll pray if i was religious..
just not to turn into you

but somehow.. when everyone is worshipping their dads
for their knowledge, wisdom.. and other wonderful attributes..
i can only fear being like you
and i know.. there is a high possibilty that i would
people have said i resemble you..
and obviously, i'll give my life up just to see that that doesnt come true.

to that someone

I donno if i like you...
I really hope i don
It seems to me that it'd be perfect
but i think its just me

You're everything i asked for
but i might be just blinded
disoriented

Some friends just cant be together.
Its just wrong
Despite how much i want it to
I don want u to give me the reasons to

But more of why we shouldnt.
That will make me better
much better than u think

I'm still in love with someone..
the after taste is still in me..
everything still reminds me of her
and i do miss her

If we are really meant to be..
it will be in the hands of the unknown
The future.

My suicide lifestyle

I'm trying to get out of my shell..
i like my extremist lifestyle..
i don give a damn..
Where i am..
What time it is..
and what the hell i am doing

That i know last nite
but..
My friends shldnt bear the consequences of my actions
my careless lifestyle..
my self torture

we had fun
but we will feel the burn
Its only a matter of time
cause.. somehow someone will pay

we will hurt
when the world finally crashes down
and its judgement time

i'll bear the pain
but i rather i take all of it that
than to take my friends down with me

i'm such an asshole.. i really shld start being responsible of my actions and stop hurting my friends..
But how? but how?
Going back to what i've been..
Chained