to my friends

Sometimes.. i regret not showing you guys all of me
for some who have seen
they know what i am and what i go through

i know i come off as a sarcastic jackass who luffs at every single person and object
and i don give a damn about anything in the world.
actually i do
too much actually.
when i get depressed,
everything gets to me

i hate being alone
i hate being in the dark
i hate being just myself
i hate myself
i have nothing to be proud of

i rebutt any remark from anyone,
just to defend my ass
i lie just to win the argument
i hate it when u guys get it right
i feel the pain
but i still have to make you not see it

i hate how i'm living
fake
just plain bullshit.

to my wonderful dad

I wonder how u cant understand why i don respect you the smallest bit.
Look at yourself.
What have you done to yourself and everyone arnd you.
Does our lives have to go down in flames when yours do?
Do we have to suffer when you throw ur almost-daily tantrums
Does endangering the lives of your so called loved ones supposed to gain respect for you?

The thing that your proud of.. your 10 long years of driving experience..
would it be ironical if thats the way ur family goes down?
Would u want that?

i don respect u at all..
nothing seems to make me proud of you.
i'll pray if i was religious..
just not to turn into you

but somehow.. when everyone is worshipping their dads
for their knowledge, wisdom.. and other wonderful attributes..
i can only fear being like you
and i know.. there is a high possibilty that i would
people have said i resemble you..
and obviously, i'll give my life up just to see that that doesnt come true.

to that someone

I donno if i like you...
I really hope i don
It seems to me that it'd be perfect
but i think its just me

You're everything i asked for
but i might be just blinded
disoriented

Some friends just cant be together.
Its just wrong
Despite how much i want it to
I don want u to give me the reasons to

But more of why we shouldnt.
That will make me better
much better than u think

I'm still in love with someone..
the after taste is still in me..
everything still reminds me of her
and i do miss her

If we are really meant to be..
it will be in the hands of the unknown
The future.

My suicide lifestyle

I'm trying to get out of my shell..
i like my extremist lifestyle..
i don give a damn..
Where i am..
What time it is..
and what the hell i am doing

That i know last nite
but..
My friends shldnt bear the consequences of my actions
my careless lifestyle..
my self torture

we had fun
but we will feel the burn
Its only a matter of time
cause.. somehow someone will pay

we will hurt
when the world finally crashes down
and its judgement time

i'll bear the pain
but i rather i take all of it that
than to take my friends down with me

i'm such an asshole.. i really shld start being responsible of my actions and stop hurting my friends..
But how? but how?
Going back to what i've been..
Chained

Sorry and sober

Finally understand why drinking is bad for a person.
Its not only the damage to a guys's liver but to the people around them.
This holiday.. i have caused up to 4 girls to puke after drinking.. and somehow.. it all starts with me..
To these ladies.. i'm am indeed sorri.. and i have offered to stop drinking to show how much i'm sorri and i will stop drinking to minimise the probability of forcing someone to drink, or drink in excess...

Its not only about my liver.. its the pain the girls have to go tru after drinking way too much.. and yeah.. it hurts watching them suffer and know that i started all that. thats why i'm doing this..

friends who know me well enuff will know that its either impossible or madness that i will actually stop drinking...
but i know.. karma has it.. when u have happiness, u'll have pain.. now that i have had much fun.. its time to suffer and face the consequences.

I really enjoyed last nite.. but.. it ended on a bad note.. a very painful one.. and i am truely sorri...
To.. my great pal..
Nicole.

To my friend out there

hi.. my lonely friend out in the universe..
i would like u to know that u're not the onli one feeling lonely late at night.. and in fact most people feel that after experiencing changes especially when they lose something they love or had...

and most importantly.. life is not meaningless.. our lives are like a piece of canvas for us to paint on, our experiences, our memories will be left on us to reflect what we have survived. This is the meaning to our lives.. our purpose and meaning is the result of what we have gone through and understood for ourselves..

Essence precedes existence. We have to live our lives to know what our purpose in life which in turn gives it the meaning, unlike other organisms which are born into meaning when they know what they have to do.

So.. dear friend search for ur meaning.. remember that ur lonely nights are not that lonely after all.. look out the window, up the sky and you'll see that you're not alone.. and maybe remember that i might be somewhere.. looking up in the sky and looking at the exact same thing you are looking at...


my intentions are to seperate philosophy and real life events into 2 different blogs.. but philosophy and life.. is not so far apart...

people

got a reminder on why i choose my friends..
there are people who talk to u... and those u talk to..
those whom u help... and those who help you..

i find the latter hard to find. i have seen those who really mean it when they help and those who are just in for the ride... for some.. just going the extra mile seems impossible and i kinda go against that. so.. yeah.. they wont be in the inner circle.. but.. somehow.. no one is right now..