Contemplation

i remember using the title before and my friends believe that its always nothing good.
but i believe thought is good.

i went a full circle to understand how relationships work.. how i tried to impress everyone but end up at the same starting pt, how i put down my guard and bummed arnd and finally got attention. How i can come from a family where physical contact is weird and end up with a girl who thought me much more than any book could about the impacts of mere contact of the human hand.

i learnt alot. but i'm still ending up here sitting infront of the com. unwilling to give up my thoughts and go to sleep. i'm back now where physical contact with any living organism is approximately 0 and where in the world i am alone.. until a familiar face strikes me.

i'm sober for some time and i actually took advice from people i ignored from the start. "Be a nicer person, don be mean. Stop drinking.. u cant drink as well as u think.." I proved myself wrong by puking a 120buck bot of wine.. that i regret and end up lonely with no one to do a simple thing as to dine with me.

Food is tasteless.. without companion. i have lost my taste.. my touch.. my senses are numb now.. no one realli knows.. and no one will.. until someone.. has the able to break off the chains i put on myself.. and let me warm up to people again..

Just a tinge of sadness.. even the wonderful flowers at secret garden are sitting and waiting.. someone to buy them for.. sad.. truely.. sad..