Life

first day. Spent alone. But interesting.

Got my book
Got my Coffee
and applied for a job in star bucks.

the coin is in the air now. and i'm just waiting it to fall.
i'm happy with what i have now.
great food. great book. great coffee.

only thing lacking is company. but not too sure whether it equates to someone sticking to me 24-7.
i need my breathing space.

and i'm used to having alot

Everybody's changing

Wanted to write down like my new new year resolutions.. aft sch has ended and all.

But yeah.. went to stalk someone's blog.. and i found that.. its just nice that she has changed and maybe for the much better. Maybe its just growing up... but just happy that she's happy and now.. maybe.. less chaotic.

anyway.. about me.. i think i have big plans to fulfill.

10things i hate about myself and i would like to change. hahaha..

1. I'm going to learn to cook.
-i started with Pesto, essentially basil with nuts and olive oil.. nice dressing for pasta salads and sandwiches. goal- self grown mint pesto

- Next conquer risoto, which is italian rice, and hopefully i can do it from scratch. with wine, shallots and maybe a nice base and treat someone to eat it.. try recipe from the cook book

-Desserts, refine chocolates, try a few of the recipes in my new book.. and Prepare for valentines. muahahah

2. Pass Nafa
-Tough eh? hahah..takes alot determination which i kinda lack. hahah.. maybe like run arnd the estate till i faint.. running is the worst when you're alone.. despite i can do almost everything else alone..

- Push ups and all.. and yeah.. maybe hit at 70x3 at a go.. and pass the damn thing alrd.

3. Meet friends for last goodbye
- haH.. regard army as like death, or just realli little freedom to enjoy life how i usually do
- Meet up with friends.. sigh at how fast time goes.. and eat my last meal(s)

4. Enjoy life as much as possible first. Make the world a different place.
- Get to know people i didnt get to.. and maybe appreciate people alrd me. while enjoying ya.. hahah

6. Lead a healthy lifestyle. Keep my hse clean and organised
- Organise my stuff for once, keep the dirt out. and make me feel better
- Eat healthy, sleep only 7+ hours not too much..
- Go out doors? and the supermarket don count

7. Revamp my room.
- Its unmanly to have flowers in my room.. and not a keen sight for pep i bring home ya. *cough girls* hahaha.. but yeah.. no body hates style.

8. Make Darwin a member in my dead writers club
- Evolution is interesting. Darwin is interesting. Need i say more?

9. Figure out what i want in my life. =)
- Goals. my next one in sight. for the next sprint.

10. Find. Someone. Something. Somewhere.
- Something, someone somewhere to keep me going on.. and no matter what.. just motivating me

达尔文

hmm.. i always never thought chinese music was uncool.. or cheena..

ok.. cheena yes.. but.. its CHINESE!

But the songs have a way of getting to u.

Delivering those emotions deep into u..

striking something so primative..

then the emotions all just pour out of you..

even if u don understand or know the words

like me.

been searching for it for sometime. finally got it.

enjoy.. =)

达尔文

我的青春 也不是没伤痕

是明白爱是信仰的延伸

甚么特征 人缘还是眼神

也不会预知爱不爱的可能

保持单身 忍不住又沉沦

兜着圈子来去有时苦等

人的一生 感情是旋转门

转到了最后真心的就不分

有过竞争 有过牺牲 被爱筛选过程

学会认真 学会忠诚 适者才能生存

懂得永恒 得要我们

进化成更好的人

我的青春 有时还蛮单纯

相信幸福取决于爱得深

读进化论 我赞成达尔文

没实力的就有淘汰的可能

我的替身 已换过多少轮

记忆在旧情人心中变冷

我的一生 有几道旋转门

转到了最后只剩你我没分

The end is near

Woah.. tmr's immuno paper.
I'm online.
Again.
Almost everyday.
I don realli follow what i say i'll do.
Lack that motivation.

But.. i'm truely distracted.
2 papers not realli pushing me to study realli hard.
have alot of time.
At least thats what i thought.

I spend alot of time thinking nowadays.
Too much time on my hands.
and yeah.. the future might be here so soon.
and whether i'll make that choice
is another thing.

I want to make use of the coming months.
before i get bald and go into the army mindset.
I wanna go for courses.
change my sloth character.
learn something
go outdoors.
talk to people.
and get away from the tv

went to browse sites with like chocolate making courses.. coffee.. kinda far fetched.. but donno if its possible...
maybe learn languages too.. like french and jap on my list.
but often i just don carry them out..
i realli know too little..
i want to know more.
get myself an edge
and hopefully move closer to my goal of going somewhere in the future.

i have friends who have gone to europe.. aust.. that kinda places..
i hope i see them before i die..
and i hope i can do that when i'm independent..
Hope.. hope.. hope.,.
but i need something to realli make me do it.
someone?

i always lack motivation and confidence..
if i can get that.. i'll be able to get over alot.
at least thats what i think.

the end is near. Grim?
Its just a new start.
i call mine adulthood.

Back.

Hmm.. Something just tells me i'm back where i started.
De javu? sec 4. o'lvls.
Alone. In the lib studying.
Alone. At home living.
Alone. at home.. feeding myself.
2 meals a day.
One to start the day.
One to end.

U stay at home and make friends with the tv.
Or u go to the library to make friends with no one.
Its now just about studying
till u cant.
No fun. Duh.
But.. this just makes me think more about how i can have someone next to me.
Its not a need.
Not a want.
Just a How? How can it work?

Went to chubby hubby's blog.
Keen on trying some recipes.
Just need someone with taste buds.
Just need someone to share with me.
But who?

And who I Want to share it with too.

Those who suffer the most are the ones who cannot decide.

What am i doing?

Clicking on the same links waiting for the pages to change.
Browsing the same sites with the same few pictures.
i'm stuck in a vicous cycle.
I need change.
Time away from everyone.
Everything constant.

Maybe just leaving on false hope for too long a time.
Cut it off.
Cut it all off.
I need to believe onli in 1 thing.
And that everything is down to me.
There will be no miracle.
No fairy tale.
No future without sweat.

Focus on the goal.
Talk onli when i get there.
Time for change.

Checkpoint.

Sem is ending.
I got a glimpse of what my results are like.
I got a glimpse of what other people are getting.
Jealous? of course.
But it should be because i'm not working hard enough.
and i should get my act together.

Crucial time. But i cant do much
2papers not exactly a plus point this sem
I need to work hard. much harder.
and i'm sure i wont be seeing my name in the good progress list this sem.
Despite having to want it so much.
That C+ is looking so haunting.
CSW? or which module would it be?
I don think about As now. i just want to scrape past.

I need to throw away all the distractions
Spell properly too. Get everything back together.
Need the rock songs to get the testosterone back.
So weak now. unfocused.. all that cling and clatter coming back.

But is it all too late?

Death is all around us. We can ignore it when its around us. But it hurts even more when everything gets personal.

Cherish those around you. When u still can.