What do i want?

To grow up?
To find someone?
To find meaning.. (again)?

ok.. i've been getting my sleep.
Not too busy too
but.. somethings weird
i'm bored
no responsibilities
no guitar pieces to play
no money

ADD's coming. dance concert. Ms yess's wedding.
So many things?
but yeah.. nothing realli serious too
xmas is coming
but yeah.. somehow.. i have the feeling that its going to be boring.
seeing my self falling asleep or something. infront of the tv
xmas is the time for couples to go celebrate
be happy about each other
what happens to their friends then? hahah
sad to say i kinda hve a hard time finding poly peps to hang out with.
actually have a grp of them but i kinda drifted.
maybe its all of us. but yeah.. u get the idea.

choices are hard to make. even if to enjoy.. who to call
should i continue my lifestyle or do something useful with my time?
work? study? play hell gate?
i choose the last one.
but yeah
somehow.. i realli dread this choice
cause it will determine whether i break hearts
go nuts.. or how my life would be for the next 2 years
and should i choose posh or practical?

so many decisions. i don want to make. tsk tsk.
maybe i need a date with my friends..
just to tell me how i cant be with anyone..
or that no one will suffice.

What drives u?

Canele. Chef pang.

Before that, I visited the ramen place at central. didnt matter what the name was. but it was good. nice eggs and tamago also.

Had desserts. earl grey and also chocs to take away.

This is what i want in life. Sensations. Taste. Music. Romance. Passion.

Fireworks to sum it all. is this a temporary high? but life's not interesting without the sensations.

I like classical guitar. Flamenco. That passion for love. life and music. i want that.

Food. people putting their emotions and passion into their creations. i like.

I want life to be interesting. Stagnant life with stability does not appeal to me.

Maybe its the age. but i believe theres still so much more to experience.

Its all coming back to me.

Everyone... i'm back..

Bent

Pick me up. I guess this will help. always knew that spending money will make me happy. but music is another thing.

Matchbox is nice. Bought the new album. But old cranky replacement phone cant store mp3s. Ipod doesnt come with nice head phones so i cant listen to it.

So yeah.. its at home or using nic's lappy. thats all

i hope i feel better

do a good presentation

and maybe redeem myself.

Saw that monsters inc actually got medals and stuff. feel happy for them. althought they wont realli remember me. but i remember like lotsa useless facts. i gave her up for her to pursue her dreams and goals. (maybe the new guy too but he aint too tanned) but yeah.. i hope i get someone who'll do the same for me.

For science. i hope someday i'll have something to show the world. let them remember that i exist and that i help make the world a better place.

big dreams. too big? but yeah.. science is my passion. hope it burns like forever.

and yeah. intercons. so close. SB SMA. lets strive to win the damn thing. at least i will try and die trying. mark my words. i'll give everything. and i mean EVERYTHING

I apologise for everything

Have u ever feel the life squeezed out of you?

Feel so helpless

And even no matter what u do

Nothing helps

We missed out a whole chapter

I would be lying if i said i don blame anyone

I blame myself

For trusting my friends to do the work

I blame myself

From relying on them

For not putting in more just to ensure everything is fine

and not aiming for the stars

I would be quite sad if this is the end

Strip me of my goals of the future. And i will be left with nothing. Nothing at all.

Time for change

Hmm. after report submission, i don have much excuses left.

Nafa on thurs. make or break.
theres a retest. but yeah. its not an excuse.
maybe its the first time i will push my ass and try make it.
its whimpy to say that i'll save 4 months, but yeah.. its more of a pride thing.
either i wallow in me being obese or asthmatic and all..
or i prove it to people by fainting.

think of it this way.
i haven had a real asthma attack before.
maybe this is a good time
i'm not fat, not compared to the past.
maybe its psychological.
chasing girls' asses didnt work.
food?
dreams?
men's room?

i need motivation.
alot of it
to face my fears.
u stupid standing board jump.
i will conquer you.
wait and see.

awaiting tag from xinru. hahaha.. i can smell the sarcasm already

Updates updates updates

1 wk to report deadline
3 weeks to fyp presentation
2 week to Napfa

I need help
Stamina is the same as a 80yr old smoker with lung cancer.
Head is as blur as glue sniffing drug addict.
Stuck on coffee to stay awake.
Compromising on thought.

Been camping at starbucks to do fyp report. Coffee rocks.
Joined ww for runs before camping at star bucks. finally. i move my ass enough to call it a run. realli sucked but yeah.. i need to find the right way to do it. hope i do.
Hafta start training for 5 stations real soon. My age old nemesis of hand eye coordination.
Leg-eye for that fact also.

Going to push myself for the first time in my pathetic life. I want to suceed. and not go for orientation for army. But yeah. time is not on my side. it never was? or that i didnt appreciate it.

Cap ball intercon's everywhere. Now in Semis, but donno if can shine enough. have to see in the later weeks to know. but the progress of some of them is so rapid. so scary.

Finally know whats the project title. ANd now have to piece everything together. hope i can do it tonight and get my stuff together. Discussion.

I hope i make it. I must anyway.for the better future.


I'll explode to save ur life.. Let me light up the sky..

Want some donuts?

Happyness.

Thnks to xinru. I have tried what they call excellence.

Donut factory is nice. But somehow. Donuts after a plane flight taste much better. Had a brief talk with him at mac cafe. where we used to during the o'lvl days.

How nice is it to have know what u want in life. Just someone who can hold a conversation? i'll like that. but yeah. i'm greedy. i need someone who i can share my world with.

And its not easy to bring someone into your life just like that.. not talking bout sharing everything. I want someone who can taste and appreciate life like i do, have the same goals in life to get rich and work towards the future.

Farfetched eh? but yeah.. i have no clue what the person should be like or who she is.. so i'll just have to see when i get to meet this nice girl or find her if she actually exist. How do u know who u want to be with? i'm not exactly the sappy romantic type. i believe more in my head. or maybe i haven met the rite person yet? hahah