Am i going to settle with this life?

From a very long time ago.. i have found my goals to be rich and sucessful.. To be a highly paid professional who spends money like water.. and still have a sucessful life..

After my recent family gathering, i saw that my side of the family does not realli have that few characteristic while the rather 3rd degree relative has that wonderful life that i'll die for..

did i make another wrong choice that will result in a alternative future? am i holding onto a life style too much that i might stay like this forever and lose the chances of getting my wonderful life?

Do i have to let go of everything i have now to pursue for that goal that i might not reach? being motivated is good for me.. but is there something as being over motivated?

i know i wont settle for a normal.. peaceful middle income family with a 9-5 job where i have to come home for dinner, sleep and wake up in the morning for another mundane day of work?

I wanna play.. have fun.. know people.. but.. is there something in my life stopping me? should i pursue that freedom? Can i?


realli confused

Are you destined for failure?

Hey guys.. don be surprised! this is not the philosophy blog.. cause.. what i am going to say is more of genetics.. and not.. sad nihilistic philosophy..

Are you destined to fail? Something i thought of after thinking about Dr Lecter's stand on genetics.. the one about pigeons as examples.. here it goes..

High rolling pigeon - Dominant-R+
Low rolling Pigeon- Recessive-Rl

The dominant trait will cover the recessive trait and hence cause the offspring to be a high flyer. And according to mendel's rule.. ratio is like 3:1..

that means.. out of 3 offsprings.. 3 of them will be a dominant high rolling pigeon.. and 1 will be a low rolling pigeon. cause the ratio is like 1R+R+, 2R+Rl and 1RlRl(which is the low rolling pigeon)...

The significance of all this is that a high rolling pigeon can breed with either another high rolling pigeon or a low rolling pigeon, but a low rolling pigeon can onli mate with a high rolling pigeon as if a pure recessive low rolling pigeon is born,

It will be almost sure that it will DIE.... It will perform somersaults that will be too low and cause it to crash into the ground and die. (while the other happily rescues itself by flying..)

What if you're that pathetic 1 out of 4? predestined to have a disease or a problem that will cause ur failure in life? who knows? there might even be a failure gene not expressed in your DNA..

We'll never know...

Dread

Do you know your demons?
Be glad that you don.
If you know what they are capable of, you'll prefer you'll never knew about it
I have shown a portion of what i can do.. and someone can easily get hurt..
Somehow.. Deja vu... Stuck in the sick cycle...

Fighting my demons.. something that i can due alone
i need something to chain me to not hurt anyone i love..
Even it is at my expense..
I have to do this..

This feeling is all too familiar..
All these primal demons arise from a common source.
YSUOlAEJ
Something has to be done

Emergence

I have a feeling deep down inside out me.. Something familiar is going to coming back.
Something that might not be useful for myself.
Something that i dread.
Something many will think that will do more harm than good to me.
But however, i do not feel that way. When God gives you something he takes something away from you.. and i believe he has given me something when he takes my happiness away.

However, is that what i want? Will it harm those who are close to me? I hope not..
As i would be fighting myself.. once again..

Back..

After 2 mths of hardcore spending and drinking coffee, we are back together..
Maybe after being apart for so long, it finally occurred to us that maybe we realli did love the company of each other that much, even though most people would regard this as a teen immature 16 year old relationship.

Anyhow, i'm 17 and in 4 mths, i can walk into a 7-11 and pick out any alcoholic beverage and stick my IC into the cashier's face. And yeah, maybe when we decided to give it the most into the relationship, we realli did what we said and we realli had an impact on each other.

I kinda miss being in a relationship. Although u cant just go out the next second after u thought of going out, u cant spend money on yourself just as you would want to, and most of all decide to stay out till the next morning without telling anyone ANYTHING. i like that, but i also like having someone to ask if i've woken up at 2pm, or msg me in the morning when i cant even tell if i'm dreaming or is actually realli look at the handphone.

Life is different.. now... again... i just hope it will just get better and better.. and i'll enjoy it more and more... but now.. i guess.. the metaphor for it as fireworks doesnt realli stand now.. maybe we can be like.. a normal couple? maybe... onli maybe...

Memories

Memories should be left untouched. Even if i can turn back time.. i wouldnt do anything to change this.. the beauty of life is found in our memories.. the memories of us having fun.. enjoying life.. and the memories that prove to us that we were once together in this meaningless world.. in love...

you taught me alot of stuff.. alot of things even i couldnt have understood on my own.. what u gave me was special.. i appreciate that.. and i'll hold it dear to my heart.. now.. i can actually put a face on love.. and that face.. would be yours.. every time i think of you.. i would think of something wonderful we did together.. i would think of the wonderful sunset we saw together at sentosa.. the fireworks that we always happen to see.. i would hear the music that we called ours.. the love songs that i would never ever forget..

Even though its considered history now.. i still enjoy recalling it.. as it is so beautiful.. so beautiful.. like you...

Letter to my Dear... my darling..

Hi... always wanted to write a letter to you to tell you how i feel towards you... but somehow.. didnt.. and couldnt.. so. .here i am.. trying to write one and hope one fine day u can see it here.. i'm not going to tell u to read it.. i'll just leave it to fate and stuff.. and it would be good for u to see this..

Dear darling.. donno why i still calling u that.. but yeah.. to be frank.. i like calling u that.. somehow.. i think i miss you.. but like i said before.. the past will remain as the past and nothing is going to change it.. When we were together.. i kinda regret making u cry so easily.. everytime i become upset or pissed.. u'll get upset too and start crying.. and yeah.. i don like that.. but i believe u realli shouldn cry so much for a lousy guy.. i like wiping ur tears with my hand or my shirt if u like.. but.. thats not the way to get attention.. i realli think that we took each other for granted..or that it was mostly just me taking you for granted..

i like the way u hug me.. how u touch me and let me open up to people.. but yeah.. till now.. the onli 2 women i hug is my grandma and u.. but yeah.. guess it works that way.. before u.. i cannot even dare to touch someone of the opposite gender.. and u taught me how to show love towards someone.. just by ur actions.. ur gestures.. and i believe.. its.. just.. purely.. beautiful..

i like it when u dress up.. and become confident.. i always believed that you're just plain gorgeous but u don like to put in the effort to dress up.. and when u did.. i was indeed proven right..u're realli gorgeous.. i like the pics we took together.. i like ur smile. the look of happiness in ur eyes.. thats why i treasure theses pictures so much.. and they are still with me now..

i believe that you're never fat.. or that ur arms look big.. but i believe that no matter what.. if u have confidence.. u can shine and make head turn no matter what.. so.. there fore.. i end here.. just like that.. i onli have to say.. stay confident about urself.. and the next guy u meet will be better than the guy that made u cry dozens of times.. bullied u non-stop and always criticised you.. take care k? cya someday on some street.. somewhere we least expect it.. and we will have coffee and have a nice chat k? byee